now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
