I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
