OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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