He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up under a house in Key West
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