I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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