the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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