so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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