So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
