i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
