Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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