I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
