It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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