got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your penis caused this!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
