kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
