I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize