Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
