never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
