Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
