I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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