After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
