YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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