How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
