The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
