Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
