I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
