i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
