He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
