did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
