You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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