do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
