It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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