oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
