Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
