I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
