The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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