apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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