No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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