i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
