I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
