I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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