it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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