im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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