I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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