I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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