atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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