When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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