after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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