I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
