is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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