i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
