physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
