OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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