Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
