soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
