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my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
