When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
