Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
