I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
