a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
