last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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