if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
