is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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