i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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