That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
