I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
