Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
