This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
