We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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