wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
two words...techno handjob
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
