i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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