rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The ass gains better be worth it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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