i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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