I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
