I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
