Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
