Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize