I'm lost and stupid without you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
