Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
