that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
